


Competition: The Best Ass In Konoha

by J_Ackles



Category: Naruto
Genre: Body Worship, Competition, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-02
Updated: 2011-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-25 02:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Ackles/pseuds/J_Ackles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke gets an idea after seeing a poster announcing a contest for the best female butt in Konoha. He had the perfect one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Competition: The Best Ass In Konoha

**Author's Note:**

> Please, don't ask what this nonsense is. But please review. I like it a lot, like you wouldn't believe how excited I get. I search my profile just to read the reviews, which is weird. BUT I'M EVERYWHERE. - That's what I learned.

**Competition**

Sasuke stared at the poster full of butts. Yes, the great Sasuke was staring at asses, rear ends, derrieres, bottoms, whatever you wanted to call it he was looking at it. And was very unimpressed.

This competition taking in all of Konoha was being sponsored by Jiraiya (surprise, surprise), but without Kakashi-Sensei (now that was a surprise. Sasuke surmised that Iruka-Sensei threatened him from joining most likely saying it went against his morals. Too bad Kakashi-Sensei couldn't say the same).

It was for butts, as said before, and it was about the best female butt in the female population of Konoha. So as Sasuke stared at the asses that were already there he felt disgusted.

These were horrible. None of them were to his liking so they all lost in his opinion.

"Sasuke!"

Looking towards the source of the outburst Sasuke quickly formulated a plan.

"Naruto," he said taking his time to pronounce each letter and syllable separately.

"Yeah, that's my name," the blond said not recognizing the face Sasuke made which usually led to something weird. No, it always did.

"Let's go home," Sasuke said turning Naruto towards the direction of the Uchiha compound.

As he watched the blond walk in front of him leading the way to their shared home, he looked at that ass.

He smiled.

He was done planning.

* * *

Naruto woke up that morning for some reason scared to get out of the bed. He looked at Sasuke's face, and shook his head.

No, Sasuke didn't do anything. He hadn't seen that forbidden face so it must be something else.

Maybe all the women were going to kick the crap out of him except for Shizune, who, for some reason, was the only girl that never beat the crap out of him, to heal him along with the Kyubi while he recuperated in the, blegh, hospital. He really liked her. And Hinata.

He slid out of bed, and Sasuke's death grip, and walked to the bathroom.

Taking his extremely/very sweet time to get ready, his idea being if the day was going to suck he was going to have a great morning, and ate one of the best breakfast he had eaten in a long time, since he was in no rush to join the next world. Especially when his Sasuke-did-something-bad senses were tingling.

When he heard Sasuke amble his way into the kitchen he looked up from his plate and glared at the three quarter smirk, THREE QUARTERS!=DANGER ! DANGER!, and the bounce in Sasuke's step, UM, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR NARUTO?  **DANGER!** , was completely disconcerting.

And yep, Naruto had said BOUNCE. He was amazed the first time he saw it too. Sasuke knew how to bounce.

Putting his dishes in the sink Naruto walked into the world ready to fend for his life.

Nothing happened, though, which confused him.

So he walked around aimlessly ready to run just in case the placidity of the day was just a facade, and that was when he saw it.

He had almost missed it, but if it hadn't been for the smell he wouldn't have seen. . .

The new flavors Ichiraku were promoting. He smiled as he felt his pockets for his wallet.

* * *

Sasuke looked at the poster, and smiled.

He was good.

No wonder the Uchiha were so feared.

* * *

Naruto shivered violently, and looked around suspiciously. When would it happen?

Then he saw it. He would have missed it if it hadn't been for the size of the poster, and the picture in the middle.

His butt was pictured clothed, thank Kami, was in the middle of a bunch of other butts.

His face grew red, and so did his temper, as he read the poster.

**Best Female Butt In Konoha.**

So, what was his butt doing here?

"Sasuke."

Naruto moved quickly through the streets looking for that asshole he was in love with. It was while passing by a dark alley that he was attacked.

"Naruto, it's okay."

He relaxed in the hold, and turned around when he was let go.

"I'm guessing you've seen in too," Iruka whispered as the group behind him made a circle with Naruto a member.

"Yeah, were any of you a victim too?" Naruto asked looking around at his comrades. The look on their faces told him his answer.

They all nodded. Even Neji, who was supposed to be in Suna. And Lee, who was the mystery. How did Shino come to like him? It must be the energy thing.

"He told me he had some business to handle here, but I didn't know it was this. I was so surprised that Gaara would even think about participating in something such as this," Neji whispered looking slightly stressed. "we've all been afraid that our derriere would be recognized by someone other than, well, you know who, and it has been hard. We've decided to have an emergency meeting, and were lucky when Iruka spotted."

Naruto nodded following the group as they headed to their meeting space. They each had a different name for it depending on their partner. Iruka, for example, told Kakashi it was a sex addicts group, and therefore had been absent whenever Iruka even walked in this direction, and Kiba had told Shikamaru he was doing something that required energy of the nonsexual type. Naruto had been surprised that Kiba had had to specify, but before Kiba could begin to explain the sudden jump in energy Shikamaru always had when in the act f lovemaking, Naruto had raised a hand.

* * *

The perpetrators of the great mess were having their own secret meeting with each having their own name for it. They were private, and personal and something they would never share with each other. They were "friends" in arm, and that was it. Whatever excuse they used to get here was none of their business.

"I told you," Kakashi began waving a picture around, "that your partners' have nothing on Iruka's ass. I should know. I've lived long enough, and have kicked each, and every ass out there. And Iruka's is as good as they get."

"Whatever old man," Shikamaru groaned from the plush black lay-z boy. He held up a picture of his treasure. "This is what it's all about. I love Iruka-sensei, but that's just weird. Plus, Kiba is a sex god."

A conversation, argument, ensued this statement, and escalated from then on. No one left the group meeting happy.

* * *

"I warned Kakashi not to have anything to do with it, but I forgot to cover this base. I don't know why, but for some reason I feel as if he's the reason that we have to have this meeting," Iruka complained rubbing a hand over his face. He looked around when it was silent for too long. "Well, I know he's a crazy perv, but at least one of you could say something to make me feel better, and as if it isn't all my fault."

"Sorry, Iruka," Naruto interjected. "I feel like it's my fault too. Plus, we can't blame it on Kakashi-hentai, because of what he likes," Naruto nodded as he rambled. "I think we should each blame ourselves. If we weren't so hot, and I mean it in the sexy hot way, they would have no reason to engage in this stupid contest."

It was quiet.

Naruto blushed. "I have gotten smarter over the years, you know," he mumbled looking away.

"What should we do?" Kiba asked taking the spotlight off of his friend. "They can't get away with anonymously showing off our bodies like this."

"No sex."

Everyone looked down, and fidgeted.

"I'm sorry, I, for a moment, forgot who the partners that were actually involved. That would never work," Lee bowed in apology.

"It's okay," Iruka smiled.

Neji raised his hand. "I think that's our only option." There was frantic chatter. "What else do we hold over them that they care more about than getting their cocks up our ass?" No one answered shocked at Neji's crude language. "Nothing. They love us, but they're all sex addicts. Even Shikamaru." Kiba nodded blushing.

Iruka, the one who had it the hardest, nodded. "He's right. To make it easier on all of us, though, I suggest we rent a place just for us, and try our best to hide it from our obviously gifted partners. . . Just try your best to not give it up," Iruka stressed giving up the other idea.

"AGREED?"

"AGREED."

-skip-

"So whoever has the worst limp tomorrow wins," Shino mumbled lying on his back as they stared up a the night sky.

"Should we fuck them if we're injured?" someone queried.

"I'm not."

"Shut up, Gaara. Gah- I mean please. Please!"

"You wouldn't be a real man if you couldn't make love to your spouse pleasuring them till they feel as if they actually just might die from feeling way too damn good," Kakashi smiled staring up at the full silver moon.

"This isn't fair. You all know about Naruto's abilities," Sasuke stated getting up, and wiping the blood from his brow.

"It'll be easy for the rest of us," Shikamaru smiled.

Kakashi shivered, and frowned. " We say that now."

Everyone looked to the eldest pervert.

"What's going on, Kakashi?" a wavering voice asked frantic.

Looking away from the mesmerizing moon, the man whispered, "A revolution."

The clearing was emptied of bodies as frantic men hurried home to soothe hopefully non-raging partners.

* * *

"I'm tired."

"Not tonight."

"My head hurts."

"My stomach hurts."

Excuses were made, but all had the same commonality.

"I saw what you did. Now, please, get your hands off me. I want to sleep."

* * *

"Is this what a regular full night of sleep is like?" Iruka asked smiling brightly looking rejuvenated.

"I don't know. It's been so long," Kiba answered.

"That was the best idea ever."

"I know," Naruto added joining the conversation. "First morning in a long time where I didn't make coffee. I felt kind of bad for Sasuke though. He looked tired."

"I noticed that too," Lee added. "I was quite worried for Shino, but he assured me that he was okay. As long as I was feeling better."

"I know. Shikamaru did the same thing to me this morning. I thought he would have loved it, you know. He's always complaining about wanting to just relax so I thought he would be like not as influenced, but whoa, was I wrong."

"I feel terrible, and guilty. Gaara spends more than half the night giving me pleasure so me withdrawing has given him a whole night of complete loneliness," Neji whispered smoothing back his perfectly styled hair composing himself.

Silence. Awkward.

"It was worse in the morning when he asked me if I had recovered my slight migraine. He hadn't brought up the competition, though. I think he's trying to avoid it."

Iruka nodded thankful for the change from the awkwardness. "I know. Kakashi massaged my back this morning, and after icing his hands he asked me if I felt better, but didn't bring up the competition."

"I think they're hoping that last night was just a one night thing."

"We can stay at a mansion on the Hyuga compound. If I tell my uncle that not even Gaara can enter the estate, or come close to the home we will be safe," Neji offered.

* * *

Panic.

"I don't know what's happening. Know that they're angry, but to do that? To us? Evil."

"Sake?"

"Don't mind if I do."

Shikamaru sat under the shade of a large tree chain smoking. "I don't know what to do."

"Naruto, just told me no," Sasuke whispered from is place from atop a large gray boulder. "He would have no way of getting one of those so he just said no."

Kakashi gave him a comforting pat on the back.

"Men, shape up. We can survive. It can't last that long," Kakashi announced.

"You look the worst out of all of us, Kakashi-sensei. Your hair has deflated," Sasuke commented.

"I give up. I am going to withdraw Iruka's ass from the competition, and I am going to beg forgiveness," Kakashi stated walking away.

"Be strong, Kakashi."

Stopping, the Jounin, turned around. "One more night without sex? Without loving Iruka's body to near oblivion? I think not."

"How do you survive one missions away from home?" Gaara asked.

"I've never had to leave Iruka. I demand he come along, or I don't go." The other's took note of this.

"Then I will go with you. The absence of Neji's body against mine is uncomfortable."

"Gaara, you too?"

"I'm coming along," Shino stated stepping alongside the group. He stuck out a hand towards Shikamaru who grabbed it, and was pulled up.

"I have to take a shower when I get home," he mumbled sounding crazed. "Kiba hates the smell of smoke. I quit, because he wanted me to."

Sasuke watched them all leave.

* * *

"I'm sorry that you'll be alone in here, Naruto, but we got out point across," Neji spoke to the blond. "You're free to stay here, if you like."

Naruto watched Neji leave, and the thin trail of sand that had followed him here, as if watching to make sure he would come back, left with him.

* * *

He spent two days there. Naruto was pissed. Where the fuck was Sasuke? He was tired of hearing Gaara, and Neji go at it. It was getting really strange.

"Naruto-kun."

"Sai, what are you doing here?"

Let's go explore the shops together."

Naruto smiled.

* * *

"Give me the one wearing the orange shorts," Sasuke demanded hands balled into fists.

"Oh, why? That one was amazing."

Sasuke didn't kill anyone. Just hurt slightly. . .

Tsunade could save him.

* * *

"It took you two days to come apologize to me, Sasuke. Apparently, I'm not as important to you as I'd like to think, or how you make me believe. Probably would have taken longer too. Why did you come here anyway?"

"I saw you with Sai, and I realized that my pride was not getting me what, who I really wanted. So, here I am."

"I'm going to need more than that Sasuke," Naruto smiled.

* * *

"All is right with the world, Shikamaru mumbled staring up at the clouds as they passed smiling to himself.

"Agreed."

* * *

"I got you all butt donuts," Naruto smiled walking into the meeting house blushing at all the jealous glares and stares he received. "Sorry."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, and truly, finished. Maybe.  
> And can I add that I wrote this years ago. A lot of what I am posting, actually all of it, is old.


End file.
